Last night, I had a dream. I dreamt I was walking along in a semi-outdoor outlet mall (at least I think it was an outlet mall). When I began to notice a faint draught coming from the direction of my nether regions, I looked down to discover, to my horror, that I was completely unclothed. That's right. Not even naked, but neh-ked, as we say in Tejas. Not a stitch. I spent the rest of the dream trying, unsuccessfully I might add, to find clothing to cover myself. I seem to remember trying on some sort of weird red poncho thing that had several different possible configurations, which the faceless salesperson in my dream (I was at an outlet mall) kept trying to show me. Strange that he/she never seemed to notice my lack of attire. I awoke this morning, relieved to notice that it had been only a dream. Sometimes those things seem so real.
Curiosity provoked me to look up elements of the dream online. Considering today is my day off from the restaurant, I actually had a little time on my hands - although I do feel the stack of papers I was trying to organize this week eyeing the back of my head maliciously as they lie, neglected, on the dining table behind me at the moment. I boldly say, "Wait your turn 'papers-I-should-probably-shred'!" and now return to my narrative. I found a really interesting dream interpretation website, originally to look up the Naked Dream, but I found a host of other elements dreams can supposedly infer regarding your current subconscious state. According to the website, dreams where your wardrobe is not merely malfunctioning, but is in fact, nonexistent, indicates:
"vulnerability or feelings of shamefulness. You may be hiding something and are afraid that others can see right through you. Metaphorically, clothes are a means of concealment. Depending on the type of clothes you wear, you can hide your identity or be someone else. But without them, everything is hanging out for all to see. You are exposed and left without any defenses. Thus your naked dream may be telling you that you are trying to be something that you really are not. Or you are fearful of being ridiculed and disgraced. Such anxieties are elevated especially in situations where you are trying to impress others ... You may be expressing fears or apprehension in revealing your true feelings in such situations."
Well, no shocker there, really. Actors are constantly feeling vulnerable. Casting directors, agents, you name it, they judge it! In my chosen field (my real one, not the waiting tables one), when am I NOT trying to impress someone? I know, I know. I should be thinking of casting folk more as "wanting me to do well" or as some sort of benevolent objective observers. It is sometimes difficult to do that, however, when all I hear them say is "Thank you. Next..."
Anyway, next I looked up the color red, for the red poncho, and that means I am feeling tired and lethargic. Coincidentally, seeing a redhead in your dream, which I am by the way, means you need more "spontaneity and vitality in your life." I didn't actually see myself, though, so maybe I'm already spontaneous and vital enough. With all that spunk, no wonder I'm so tired.
Next, I looked up the outlet mall. Dreaming of a mall "represents your attempts in making a favorable impression on someone. The mall is also symbolic of materialism and the need to keep up with the trends, fads, and/or the latest technology." Probably a relic of the jealousy I'm harboring since my husband purchased the new iPhone 4S. Oh yeah - and the favorable impression thing.
They didn't have a meaning for the poncho.
As I mulled all this over, I considered the fact that I have often had these types of dreams in my life. Usually it's during tech week of a show (or the week before opening for the non-theatre reader) This is the week when everything (lights, sound, costumes, etc) is coming together. Thus, it's falling apart at the same time. It's during that week that the actor begins to wonder, "Where did all that great work during rehearsal go?" And. "Why in Heavens did they cast me in this? Better yet, why did I think I could do it?" It is also of this week that one of my professors in grad school said, "Just remember that you're right where you should be." Meaning, don't worry about those feelings of inadequacy, the bouts of anxiety, and in my case, the naked dreams. Everything will come together in the end. Acknowledge that those things will always happen during tech week, but the fear will go away to be replaced by, hopefully, nothing but the world of the character and the play.
So what's happening now? I'm not in a show. Not in the middle of tech week. What's with the naked dream? Then it hit me. I am embarking on a voyage in hitherto uncharted waters for me. I have actually spent a lot of time lately on creative pursuits other than my beloved acting. And it's scary. Anything new is. I have no idea what I'm doing or where it will lead me. I have formal training in a completely different area and none since high school in the other. But at least I know this. I do have that well-meaning salesperson and terribly confusing red poncho to help cover me up. Even if I don't know what it means.
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